The Cabinet

What if my heart still sinks at the thought of us?
Us. It's been so long since I said it outloud. And it seems even longer since we really were 'us'.
Has it been that long? Is that girl in the picture... me? Was she as happy as she seems to be?
And who is that guy beside her? What's that look is his eyes? I haven't seen it for so long... I look a little closer trying to read what is now so obvious in his glare. 
I take a step back.
Could I have actually forgotten what being in love feels like?
And then I close my eyes.
And I feel it. I can taste it, look at it, feel it in my finger tips. I can listen to those three words every girl wants to hear.
But the hint of pleasure suddenly is obscured by a dense cloud of pain and tears, making me aware of what came right after it all.
I open my eyes, relieved that the daydream is over. I'm still me.
I take a deep breath, glad that I'm able close this grief cabinet once again.
But I can't throw it out. I can't erase it. 
And something inside me says that it's ok to remember.
And that now I'm the one who says when this cabinet is open or closed.
That's enough for now.